I've had doubts recently. Nothing that captured my mind but thoughts that definitely wandered, unwelcomed, through there. I hardly realized it until I had a chance to meet with a few other ladies to talk.
Swirling in my head: All the pressures against us here! Two (difficult!) languages to learn, a culture that has our type thickly and thoroughly stereotyped as fools and idiots and idol worshippers (worshipping this man Jesus and his mother Mary) and who reviles with disgust at our hollywood lifestyles and our pig-eating filth, and a government who is entirely working against us in every way (remember those posters I wrote about below, the prizes announced for turning in any neighbors who host illegal gatherings?)
I didn't hardly note it in my mind, but when my lips spoke the words with these women, I was embarrassed and ashamed. Yet it was too true to try to take back. "I've thought recently, that maybe we should just pull out of here. Pray hard that the Lord will open wide these doors and then Christ's ambassadors can get back in here and beautifully, boldly proclaim His excellencies with greater freedom."
It was with this group of ladies, sitting together for a quick Wednesday morning visit and some delicious coffee and baked goodness (western food still blesses me best!), where my tears fell as I confessed my frustrations and doubts. And it was in the simpleness of being together where their lives shook me awake to the sovereign goodness of God even here, even now, even with our limitations and hindrances. I left that brief visit assured, re-captured, re-membered by the goodness of God's work and His ways.
Truth is, I was only there because the hostess was my dear friend and she invited me to hear from these ladies who were traveling through. I didn't know them... I just began to hear that morning how they had been sent out by a thriving church that had adopted the Uyghur people for prayer and service over a decade ago. And somehow, hearing how these ladies prayed for my friend, how they had supported her and sent the winter gear her family needed, seeing how they had come to hold hands in prayer and show love and remind us all of God's faithfulness.... I left changed. Profound, soul awakingly encouraged. I felt loved. (Yes, loved by these women who, apart from being joined with me in Christ, were total strangers to me.)
If our God would send in support, these hands and hearts, to simply show us- even stranger me!- His love and recall His goodness and reorient my eyes to see His unseeable yet totally knowable, reliable perfection and faithfulness, then I can keep on going here.
And if my soul feels this gloriously awakened by one morning with these strange women... than maybe, just maybe, my strange life, tucked in with my neighbors' lives over these years, can see transformation too. It is exactly what He said His kingdom is like.
"The kingdom of heaven is like leaven that a woman took and hid in three measures of flour, till it was all leavened." (Matt 13:33) The ESV text note mentions the Lord's intent for "hidden permeation" of the kingdom of heaven. That's exactly what we can do here!
Lord amplify your grace as we hide our lives, our love- YOUR love!- into the nitty gritty everydayness- water's out, another bloody lamb slaughtered at our stairwell door, trials and joys- of our community of unreached Uyghur people. Transform the three measures of flour right outside our door.
Friends, please never underestimate the essential part you play in keeping the work going here. Your encouragement is worth more than I can say. Please pray, and then can you even let us know that you are praying?
We are the body of Christ together. Thank you for ministering His love even to us as we seek to love and serve the beautiful lost ones all around us in the darkness.
May the Lamb of God receive the reward for His suffering!
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